I Owe You Nothing: A Look at Why People Criticize Our Style, and How to Address It.

“I don’t know if that really looks good on you.”

We’ve all been there.

“Are you sure that’s what you want to wear?”

We’ve all heard comments like these at some point.

“Don’t get me wrong, you look nice, but I’m not sure you have the body for that. I think that this would probably look better on you!”

When these types of comments are thrown our way, we are left feeling picked at and pulled apart. Just when we get the courage to step out of our comfort zones, it seems like our metaphorical balloons are popped by someone who gave us “feedback” that we didn’t ask for in the first place.

“What? You don’t like my jacket? Whelp, that sounds like a personal problem. “ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Unfortunately, this is especially true when it comes to how we dress. Regardless of what our personal style choices are, we all have experienced what it’s like to be on the receiving end of a barrage of unsolicited comments. Although some of these comments may be positive, frankly, quite a lot of them are not. What’s left after this hailstorm of “advice” is not only shame and second-guessing our style choices, there is also the reluctance to wear anything that hasn’t been deemed suitable to wear by those around us.

“Try me. I dare you.”

Why is that? Why are many of us willing to step down from that top, hat, bag, or completely alternative style choice after a few others disapprove? Many would chalk it up to having low self-esteem. I disagree. I believe that it is more than just a question of confidence, because even confident people experience doubt in what they choose to wear, even though they would agree that they have a healthy dose of self-r.e.s.p.e.c.t.  I believe that there is a more subconscious root for this behavior; deep down, I believe that we feel that we owe it to those around us to feel comfortable in what we choose to wear, even if it is at our expense.

Before you hit me with a possible eye roll, and an exasperated, ‘Ok, girl ’ response, hear me out. Clothes are important because not only do they give testament to our socio-cultural identities and roots, and provide protection from natural elements (e.g. like how my coat protects me from Chicago’s disrespectful winters), they also produce social, political, and economic benefits that can deeply impact our lives. Wearing clothing that others deem appropriate or trendy, results in acceptance and admittance into groups and institutions that can provide social capital and opportunities. Thus, other people’s opinions about our clothes take over in our attempts to acquire the resources we need to live our lives. If people don’t like what we wear, then there is a possibility that these resources will be denied to us. That’s scary bruh.

I would also argue that most of us human beings don’t want to offend those around us; especially the ones we have relationships with. Why? Because, we have hearts, we care about other people’s feelings, and we don’t want to jeopardize the relationships that are important to us.  

Despite all of this, let me make one thing clear. You, do not owe anyone anything. Especially when it comes to how you dress. Realistically, there will be times when you will have to assimilate to certain dress codes or style expectation in order to provide a living for yourself. Outside of those situations, know that it is not your job to curve your own style interests to appease the sentiments of those around you (this statement does not apply to those who insist on wearing clothes that are rooted in discrimination and tom-foolery. Lookin’ at you Confederate flag-wearers). Bottom line, your clothes shouldn’t determine whether others should love and accept you.

“I owe you nothing.“

So, when you are entertaining the idea of trying something new with your style, and you are met with criticism, just look them in the eye, smile, and tell them:

“I owe you nothing.”

In the comments below, let me know if you have ever experienced criticisms in the way that you dress. How did you overcome these criticisms?

I’ll see you on the stoop.

Calandra M.