Let Me Wear My Turtlenecks in Peace: A Reclamation of Wearing Turtlenecks by a Woman with Tig Ol’ Bitties.

I am an amble-bosomed woman. How do I know this to be true? Because oftentimes my chest enters a room before the rest of me does.

Now that autumn is upon us, I am ecstatic to wear one of my all-time favorite clothing items.

What is a relatively simple clothing item made from wool, has the magical ability to be paired with pretty much anything, to create jaw-dropping fits, and helps insulate my body heat during these harsh Midwestern winters? Turtlenecks.    

Turtlenecks are the bomb.com. No seriously, they are.

“Jeans, slacks, skirts, button-downs, you name it. Turtlenecks can compliment it.”

Unfortunately, there is a widespread belief that certain bodies should be discouraged from wearing turtlenecks. One of these body groups includes women who are large-chested. When a woman wears a top that fully covers her décolletage, it can make her bosom look fuller. Thus, when a woman with large breasts wears a turtleneck, a (often clingy) clothing item that fully covers her neck and entire torso, it can make her breasts appear larger.

Yes. You heard me. Women with large breasts are discouraged from wearing turtlenecks because it would make their already-large bosoms, look larger. Women like myself are supposed to deprive ourselves from this innovative fashion item because it would give people the impression that we have tig ol’bitties…when we already have tig ol’bitties.

Listen, when it comes to putting an outfit together, it’s great to take in consideration concepts like silhouette, color, and texture into your ensemble. However, if we are not encouraging ourselves to wear the things that we like, then what is the point?

If you are not encouraging yourself to wear the things that you like, then what is the point?

I am a firm believer in women with large breasts wearing turtlenecks. We should not deny ourselves from wearing this piece of clothing genius because we have been conditioned to believe that if we reduce the prominence of our busts, that it would reduce the objectification of our bodies.

As for me, I will continue to wear turtlenecks, and other tops with diverse collar forms. Don’t like it? Then I’ll hit you with the words of the great singer, songwriter, rapper, actress, and producer, Janelle Monáe:

Get off my areola.

“Get off my areola.”

I’ll see you on the stoop.

Calandra M.